You're the best...Around!

I'll admit it. I haven't been doing well since I got out of the hospital. I had a hospital stay at Mount Sinai for an EEG, to monitor my brain waves to see if I'm having seizures. The only thing is they didn't find anything. Even when I woke up in the middle of the first night, twitching, blinking and the room going dark around me, unable to call for help until it all of a sudden stopped. No seizures. But my heart rate has been very high. At first it was only raising as I was sitting up or standing up. Going from 119, to 127, to 132, to 148 to 152. It was very fast. And even in laying in bed, my heart rate would go up and down, giving me moments of spacey-ness. They believed that my heart was causing trouble so I saw cardiologists and I explained to them what happened. Later I talked to my neurologist who explained to me that my problem was "Autonomic". Meaning that something was wrong in the nervous system that affects my heartbeat. They think it's PATs, Postural Autonomic Tachycardia but that would explain my heart racing while I was stationary. So I went home with no answers, just more questions. But I was happy to be home. I missed my family terribly. My sister especially.

When I got home things didn't change. At the hospital I was exhausted, and at home, waking up in the morning was an hour-and-a-half process. Because of that I'd sleep in and have trouble going to sleep at night. Before I went to the hospital I've had moments of lightheaded-ness and pressure that made me dizzy and have to lay down where ever I was. And now I'm still having that happen. Through out the day. I've had multiple moments of pressure going around in my head, my pulse increasing and my blood pressure dropping, causing me to get dizzy and extremely pale. Then I have to lie down where ever I am in case I, god forbid lose consciousness. I even had an echo cardiogram of my heart and even though it was 115, they found it to be normal. Lately I've been trying to train myself to wake up earlier by eating early, taking my meds early and going back to sleep for a short period to wake up around 9:12. I feel it's an improvement from my usual late-sleeping. I wasn't like that. When I got up early I stayed awake and only went back to sleep if it was a losing battle. I was proactive and doing everything. Now I'm trying to be proactive but I often find myself with dizzying effects after. I'm seeing an autonomic neurologist soon, who will test me to find out exactly what I have. I really want to find out what's wrong and fix it. Because what ever I have is not going to stop me. It's not gonna stop me from going to SVA and it's not going to stop me from becoming a cartoonist and a more dependable person. I want to get better so I can stop worrying my family night and day, everyday. I want to be able to hang out with friends again. But right now I can't. Not until I find out what's wrong. In the mean time I can only bear with it and learn from it. But I'll always be grateful for my family, who is always there to take care of me.

P.S. While I was in the hospital I heard about my sister dedicating a blog to me and how she missed me terribly. So I had mom take a picture of me in a pose (with the wires to my head from the EEG) and I sent it to her by phone with the text "Work Bitch!". She then replied "Miss Thing!!"