You're the best...Around!

I'll admit it. I haven't been doing well since I got out of the hospital. I had a hospital stay at Mount Sinai for an EEG, to monitor my brain waves to see if I'm having seizures. The only thing is they didn't find anything. Even when I woke up in the middle of the first night, twitching, blinking and the room going dark around me, unable to call for help until it all of a sudden stopped. No seizures. But my heart rate has been very high. At first it was only raising as I was sitting up or standing up. Going from 119, to 127, to 132, to 148 to 152. It was very fast. And even in laying in bed, my heart rate would go up and down, giving me moments of spacey-ness. They believed that my heart was causing trouble so I saw cardiologists and I explained to them what happened. Later I talked to my neurologist who explained to me that my problem was "Autonomic". Meaning that something was wrong in the nervous system that affects my heartbeat. They think it's PATs, Postural Autonomic Tachycardia but that would explain my heart racing while I was stationary. So I went home with no answers, just more questions. But I was happy to be home. I missed my family terribly. My sister especially.

When I got home things didn't change. At the hospital I was exhausted, and at home, waking up in the morning was an hour-and-a-half process. Because of that I'd sleep in and have trouble going to sleep at night. Before I went to the hospital I've had moments of lightheaded-ness and pressure that made me dizzy and have to lay down where ever I was. And now I'm still having that happen. Through out the day. I've had multiple moments of pressure going around in my head, my pulse increasing and my blood pressure dropping, causing me to get dizzy and extremely pale. Then I have to lie down where ever I am in case I, god forbid lose consciousness. I even had an echo cardiogram of my heart and even though it was 115, they found it to be normal. Lately I've been trying to train myself to wake up earlier by eating early, taking my meds early and going back to sleep for a short period to wake up around 9:12. I feel it's an improvement from my usual late-sleeping. I wasn't like that. When I got up early I stayed awake and only went back to sleep if it was a losing battle. I was proactive and doing everything. Now I'm trying to be proactive but I often find myself with dizzying effects after. I'm seeing an autonomic neurologist soon, who will test me to find out exactly what I have. I really want to find out what's wrong and fix it. Because what ever I have is not going to stop me. It's not gonna stop me from going to SVA and it's not going to stop me from becoming a cartoonist and a more dependable person. I want to get better so I can stop worrying my family night and day, everyday. I want to be able to hang out with friends again. But right now I can't. Not until I find out what's wrong. In the mean time I can only bear with it and learn from it. But I'll always be grateful for my family, who is always there to take care of me.

P.S. While I was in the hospital I heard about my sister dedicating a blog to me and how she missed me terribly. So I had mom take a picture of me in a pose (with the wires to my head from the EEG) and I sent it to her by phone with the text "Work Bitch!". She then replied "Miss Thing!!"

On a more serious note...

I'd like to take a break from manga for a sec to write about something that's been on my mind.

For those who don't know, a long time ago I have had problems with my blood sugar, When it was low I'd be spacey and a little...stupid. Around the end of march I had my first fainting episode. All I remembered before I had it was my leg cramping, my heart racing, and my blood pressure was going up and down creating a pulsing sensation in my body and head. I said "I don't feel well" and I closed my eyes. I woke up on the floor a minute later to my sister holding an icepack to my face. Apparently I had passed out and hit the wall with my face (I even left a little bloodstain). The EMT's (or paramedics) took my blood pressure and said it was extremely low, so they gave me oxygen to raise it. I was crying because I was scared to go to the hospital but my sister comforted me and said it would be ok. I went to ER and I had an IV and blood test. Everything was normal. They diagnosed me with a fainting spell. After I had been monitoring my blood sugar by snacking frequently and having occasional glucose tablets as told by my doctor. We thought everything would be ok. Until last Thursday where I fainted again.

I had woke up early because it was my niece's picture day, so we had to get her ready. I went to the bathroom first and was then going to eat but I had to watch her for a sec. Both my legs were cramping and my heart was racing. I was scared. I then felt pulsing in my head and I said "My blood pressure is going up and down" and I closed my eyes and woke up 5 minutes later on the floor to my sister saying I passed out, again. What really shook her up was that my brother was smacking me trying to wake me up and it wasn't working. My arms were huddled up and I was groaning, my lips had turned white and my sister was afraid I stopped breathing. I felt so bad for her. I thought "Ok I'm never gonna scare my sister like that again!", so much for that. This time four police officers came because they thought that a four-year old had passed out. Not a nineteen year old (soon to be twenty). The EMT's took me to the hospital were I was taken to pediatric ER (it goes up until 25). This time I had no IV but I did have my first CT scan of my head. Thankfully nothing was found, but it still didn't explained why this happened again. I had an interesting experience this time, the nurse brought me back from radiology and I asked in a polite, adult-like manner. "Excuse me miss but is it possible for me to go to the bathroom?" She then replied to her fellow nurses "Ms. Kayla wants to go Pee-pee!", I was a bit embarrassed. So I went back home where my family and I were still shooken up. My sister, who had a history of seizures and my brother believe both times that I had fainted, I've was also having a seizure. I was frustrated with my self that this was happening and that now, I couldn't travel or be left alone. Now when I was in middle school I worked hard to gain the privilege of traveling alone to school and in high school I gained the privilege of traveling alone (but not at night, for safety). So I felt like I had a major regression where I couldn't travel or be left alone and I do understand why. I just hope I can get this stuff sorted out before I go into college... So now this week I'm awaiting both my birthday and my neurology appointment. Wish me luck!